MY TESTIMONY- BOBBY'S GIRL
Updated: Dec 22, 2020
I'd like to share my personal testimony on how God led me into the world and knowledge of herbs. My journey into becoming a Certified Herbalist and Yoni Facilitator is also that of my healing because it led me to healing and most importantly back to my Creator.
It is extremely personal for me. In order to fully tell this story, I have to go somewhere I've never been and that is sharing my testimony.
In order for you to understand my destination, it's only right I'm transparent in my testimony.
Just in case, someone can relate and grow from it.
Growing up as a little girl, though the Most High always made sure to surround me with love and light in certain individuals through family and friendships. I carried around a lot of darkness inside me through being violated at the age of 7. Of course as a little girl, being that I didn't have a safe place to face this darkness... to protect myself, I normalized it.
I saw and went through a lot growing up, things I had to reflect on in my womanhood that I have always run from or buried through distractions. I want to say The Most High sees our pain, hurts with us and manages to turn our pain into lessons and makes us stronger in order to over-come battles we'll have to face (some I've already faced and the ones to come).
Though back then deep down I felt... I was broken, tainted & never to be the same.
Growing up into my teens, I found myself preoccupying my mind and time on situations and relationships, I wasn't nowhere near emotionally mature enough to handle. I struggled ALOT with insecurities of not feeling good enough, not feeling worthy and even though my pain of what I've been through didn't go away internally...still I disguised it in order to feel normal. Even if that "normal" was just on the outside.
When the truth is we could never be normal, we are created in God's image.
DADDY, I'LL LOVE MISS AND HONOR YOU ALWAYS
To have known my dad was to love my dad. His energy was unmatched. He was always so much fun to be around, always woke my brother and I up with a "Rise n Shine!" while playing Stevie Wonder or Beres Hammond in the background. He always showed love to the people around him and this was someone who grew up having to teach himself how to love but that's how natural it was for him. He would always say, I know I'm not the most affectionate but it his love was sooo transparent he honestly didn't need to.
At age 21, my father was let go from his corporate job of over 30 years at Merrill Lynch.
My dad took so much pride in building up this life for not only himself but more for his family. It was a big part of his life, or him you could say. So when he was laid off...it hit like a ton of bricks. He struggled a lot with acceptance and moving on although he tried everyday.
Initially, we tried everything to get him out of what we called "a funk" when really it was full blown depression. By the time we realized this, he was already sinking deeper n deeper in.
I remember the day he went to a doctor for advice on what he should do and came back with a prescription. Before we could even blink (which is what it felt like) my dad was already on 4 different medications which just increased as time went on.
Now fast forward to 4 years later and he's worst off. Not only is he now battling demons everyday, he's now dealing with nausea, constipation, insomnia. It destroyed his physical and broke our hearts, so much I completely shut down...I was numb.
I went from giving him baths and massages to what I called "tough love".
I remember pleading with him to agree to see a herbalist, I was so excited when he did.
Until we did, and the doctor let us know there was nothing he could have done.
The medications he had been on for the past 4 years would be more detrimental by withdrawals to now stop, although he let us know he should not been on them to begin with.
I reverted back to that feeling as a little girl, where I went on like everything was normal but even worst I became numb and depressed myself. Seeing my DADDY go through this was NOT NORMAL and I didn't know what to do. I WAS SO ANGRY!
I started to direct it towards him...saying "we can't get you out of this for you, you gotta now do it yourself!" because what more could I do? It wasn't until he took his own life the morning of June 26,2015 when I had the answer...I was suppose to show tender, gentle LOVE up until his dying day...Period.
I've balled out of sorry and regret to God, even to my dad knowing he's unable to hear me because this pain is something no-one should have to endure. It's crippling, even if I tried to be done with blaming myself being that it doesn't do anyone any good...the pain is something out of this world.
The only thing I can do is never allow myself to involve my feelings when someone is going through something worst. Just to be there.
Now, 11 years later I stand strong in my lessons of life.
God directed my path into learning about herbal medicine and natural healing.
I feel it is my purpose to use my lessons, my pain, my love for my dad, my passion and knowledge to help others heal by looking into herbal medicine for depression, non-emergency aches n pains, building up our immune system to help fight off and prevent sickness and disease. All with gentle, tender love.
It is ONLY by the love of God, that I am able to not only live through and with the pain of losing my father but by my walk with Christ I am now able to share with others.